About the Book
Your Christian marriage has an advantage that many others do not.
Marriages all around you are falling short of the expectations that couples have for them. Some couples are separating and divorcing. But, that is only the tip of the iceberg. Many others couples are drifting apart—many of them not even aware of just how unfulfilled they feel.
Do you want a marriage that can never fail?
You may be surprised to learn that the Bible offers a guarantee that your marriage will never fail if as a couple you commit to use the unfair advantage Christ has given you.
Based on a pithy but profound passage of New Testament scripture, The Unfair Advantage offers a step-by-step plan to a marriage that touches the heart of God and makes you unstoppable as a team of two, even when life feels really hard.
What your marriage will experience in this book:
| Awareness of the mental, emotional, and spiritual barriers that threaten your marriage | |
| Practical tools to stay emotionally connected when life threatens to tear your marriage apart | |
| Encouragement to enrich your faith walk as a team of two | |
| Gratitude for your strengths and differences as a couple | |
| Strategies to become people worthy of your dream marriage | |
| Refreshing romance of friends |
A Peek Inside the 8 Graces of Your Unfair Advantage
(What’s Inside the Book)
At its core, every marriage is an act of faith. It is the belief that by joining together with another that one is going to be in a better place than if s/he were to remain alone. Authentic Christian marriage, however, commits to a deeper level of faith as spouses allow their marriage to be a conduit for an enriched relationship with Christ, personal maturation, and intimacy with one another. However, many couples err in thinking of shared faith as all it takes. In reality, the faith simply points you in the right direction for relational and spiritual growth.
At its core, every marriage is an act of faith. It is the belief that by joining together with another that one is going to be in a better place than if s/he were to remain alone. Authentic Christian marriage, however, commits to a deeper level of faith as spouses allow their marriage to be a conduit for an enriched relationship with Christ, personal maturation, and intimacy with one another. However, many couples err in thinking of shared faith as all it takes. In reality, the faith simply points you in the right direction for relational and spiritual growth.
A thriving marriage is a virtuous enterprise based on the strength of a couple's character. Couples can never achieve extraordinary results without extraordinary character. Character provides the tools to stay God-centered through the ebbs and flows of marriage. The character of one's marriage is measured in its authenticity, transparency, and mutuality. The profession of faith necessitates pursuit of Christ-like character.
A thriving marriage is a virtuous enterprise based on the strength of a couple's character. Couples can never achieve extraordinary results without extraordinary character. Character provides the tools to stay God-centered through the ebbs and flows of marriage. The character of one's marriage is measured in its authenticity, transparency, and mutuality. The profession of faith necessitates pursuit of Christ-like character.
A thriving marriage promotes knowledge--but not simply head knowledge. Couples that thrive embrace a habit for using knowledge to gain understanding of the relationship with God and to the marriage to which God calls us. Christ-like character helps us to release our emotional baggage and heightens our ability to truly listen (not just hear) to God's admonition for who he calls us to become as spouses. Similarly, such character also positions us to truly listen to one another.
A thriving marriage promotes knowledge--but not simply head knowledge. Couples that thrive embrace a habit for using knowledge to gain understanding of the relationship with God and to the marriage to which God calls us. Christ-like character helps us to release our emotional baggage and heightens our ability to truly listen (not just hear) to God's admonition for who he calls us to become as spouses. Similarly, such character also positions us to truly listen to one another.
In a culture characterized by immediate gratification, rampant consumerism, and surface level relationships, self-control may seem like an outdated concept. Too many marriages have been robbed of their potential because of their financial, relational, and other addictive excesses. Self-control requires having awareness of one's own issues and keeping one's own self-centered motives in check in order to truly empathize—helping the couple develop a mutually beneficial approach that is less subjective to volatile swings that might disrupt the growth of the marriage.
In a culture characterized by immediate gratification, rampant consumerism, and surface level relationships, self-control may seem like an outdated concept. Too many marriages have been robbed of their potential because of their financial, relational, and other addictive excesses. Self-control requires having awareness of one's own issues and keeping one's own self-centered motives in check in order to truly empathize—helping the couple develop a mutually beneficial approach that is less subjective to volatile swings that might disrupt the growth of the marriage.
Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
Spiritual oneness is the tie that binds marriage. It is what makes the marital contract a true covenant relationship. Marriage is first a spiritual enterprise in that it represents a type of Christ’s (bridegroom) relationship with the Church (bride). Every Christian couple has a joint purpose that ultimately is intended to draw themselves and others closer to God. God then promises to take care of all their needs and many of their desires. This spiritual prioritization only happens as couples dedicate themselves to consistent prayer and devotion as a couple.
Spiritual oneness is the tie that binds marriage. It is what makes the marital contract a true covenant relationship. Marriage is first a spiritual enterprise in that it represents a type of Christ’s (bridegroom) relationship with the Church (bride). Every Christian couple has a joint purpose that ultimately is intended to draw themselves and others closer to God. God then promises to take care of all their needs and many of their desires. This spiritual prioritization only happens as couples dedicate themselves to consistent prayer and devotion as a couple.
The missing ingredient of many marriages is friendship. Sharing child rearing, sex, and bills does not make spouses friends. It is very possible to love a spouse that you frankly do not like very much. Many couples start marriage with a strong sense of mutual care and attentiveness. But, the familiarity of the relationship can erode this mutual consideration. Over time, one’s priority begins to be more self-centered and less spouse-oriented. Thriving marriages embrace mutual fulfillment. True spirituality acknowledges the importance of emotional and physical dimensions in sustaining a foundation of friendship. Friendship builds trust. Trust is the currency of intimacy.
The missing ingredient of many marriages is friendship. Sharing child rearing, sex, and bills does not make spouses friends. It is very possible to love a spouse that you frankly do not like very much. Many couples start marriage with a strong sense of mutual care and attentiveness. But, the familiarity of the relationship can erode this mutual consideration. Over time, one’s priority begins to be more self-centered and less spouse-oriented. Thriving marriages embrace mutual fulfillment. True spirituality acknowledges the importance of emotional and physical dimensions in sustaining a foundation of friendship. Friendship builds trust. Trust is the currency of intimacy.
The Lord instructs us that deep love for God and neighbor is the greatest commandment. This is equally true for marriage. All other graces have built to this single crescendo called love—the highest calling of marriage. Thriving couples incorporate the three dimensions of love (eros, philia, agape) in their relationship. But, ultimately motivated by their love of Christ they aspire to demonstrate an unconditional love in marriage that is full of grace and peace. When couples strike a balance of physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy they embody God’s tripartite nature (body, soul, and spirit). These thriving couples are able to walk with the deepest level of intimacy through the best and the worst of times because their compass always points north—towards Christ.
The Lord instructs us that deep love for God and neighbor is the greatest commandment. This is equally true for marriage. All other graces have built to this single crescendo called love—the highest calling of marriage. Thriving couples incorporate the three dimensions of love (eros, philia, agape) in their relationship. But, ultimately motivated by their love of Christ they aspire to demonstrate an unconditional love in marriage that is full of grace and peace. When couples strike a balance of physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy they embody God’s tripartite nature (body, soul, and spirit). These thriving couples are able to walk with the deepest level of intimacy through the best and the worst of times because their compass always points north—towards Christ.
Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
Marriage is a marathon. Thriving couples learn to do marriage at their own pace rather than focusing on the race that others run. Successful marriages persevere through the ups and downs of life. They deliberately set long-term goals and make then make strategic decisions to make achieving them possible. Crises are inevitable in marriage. But, thriving couples develop the tools to stay aligned through crises. Many couples can muster the focus to be mutually respectful for a short sprint. But, when couples prepare for the long haul, they build a fortress that serves as both a strong defense against the adversary and a monument for others to emulate.
"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
2 Peter 1:5-8 NIV
Join the Tribe of Unfair Couples.
There’s a community of couples just like you who desire a marriage that puts a smile on the face of God. We know we don’t deserve such favor. But, we are thankful that God has shown us the graces that he expects us to share with one another. Will you join us on Facebook to learn and share how to maximize your marriage’s unfair advantage?
About the Author
Dr. Harold Arnold
Dr. Harold L. Arnold, Jr., Founder of The Pursuit of Influence, is a leader in the biblical study of marriage. With a Ph.D. and Master's degree in Social and Organizational Psychology, Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, and a Master's in Systems Engineering, Dr. Harold leverages his extensive knowledge of marriage and family dynamics and biblical truths to help thriving and struggling couples become the people worthy of their dream marriage.
Dr. Harold writes and speaks extensively on marriage and family relationships, served as Director of Christian Education for a large urban church, Director of Black Marriage & Family for the Association for Marriage and Family Ministry, member of the editorial board for the Journal of Social Issues, adjunct faculty for a Christian university, author of Marriage ROCKS for Christian Couples and Second Shift: How to Grow Your Part-time Passion to Full-time Influence. His favorite hobbies include watching good movies, reading good books, experiencing different cultures, and getting in some cardiovascular workouts.
What Other People Think About The Unfair Advantage
“As a life coach I see many people who have created strategies for business success. But those same people frequently have no plan for success in the most important areas of life. In The Unfair Advantage, Dr. Harold Arnold shares clear systems and processes for being as intentional about success in your marriage as you would expect in business. He draws deeply on Biblical scripture for principles that assure us that "if you practice these qualities you will never fail." And today, with a thriving marriage, those around you will indeed assume you have an "unfair advantage.”
Dan Miller, New York Times Best-selling author and coach (48Days.com)
"Compelling, powerful and engaging! Dr. Harold Arnold has woven prayerful inspiration and direction into a powerful recipe for reaping the richness and joy God intended for marriage. Blending wonderful story telling and vivid imagery, Dr. Arnold shows us how to put on the full armor of God in our marriages. “The Unfair Advantage” is a message for anyone who wants to unwrap the promises of one of God’s greatest gifts."
Jim Akers, Author of Tape Breakers: Maximize Your Impact With People You Love, Teams You Lead, and Causes that Stir Your Heart
"You don't want to just survive in your marriage. You want to thrive. And you need tools to do that. Unfair Advantage brings a different message and a different perspective on how to thrive in your marriage. This book is not just a resource on what to do. But it tells you the reason and the power behind doing it. Even if you feel like you have a thriving marriage, I guarantee this book will bless you and take your marriage to new heights. This is the type of book you will reference over and over again. It is a must-read for soon-to-be married and married couples regardless of the stage of marriage."
Christine K. St. Vil Founder/CEO, Moms 'N Charge
"Many of us have fallen for the accusatory lie of our enemy: "You will never have the marriage God wants you to have!" Dr. Arnold shares that while it is true that "marriage is spiritual warfare with relational consequences"; we have an unfair advantage. Our winning edge is grounded in our relationship with God and our understanding and use of His Word ... the "Sword of the Spirit." Dr. Arnold has not written another marriage handbook; but has woven a practical theology from the "7 grace habits" of 2 Peter 1:3-11 with practical applications that will empower couples to experience a godly marriage."
Dr. Bruce McCracken Founder and President of House on the Rock Family Ministries
"Dr. Harold Arnold has uniquely and biblically simplified the union of marriage. Dr. Arnold reveals to us how marriage has been and always will be "a witness of God's glory." As a stepmother myself who helps other stepmother's through their journey as a stepparent, I transparently profess the fundamental importance of building a blended family on a biblically-based marriage. Dr. Arnold's book will be a prerequisite within my coaching and mentoring business."
Stephanie Lefler CEO, Mom University
"The Unfair Advantage is one of those rare books that meticulously unpacks the often overlooked nexus between faith, grace, and marital success. Dr. Arnold takes the time to carpool us through a colorful and vivid journey towards spiritual and relational maturity along the highway of 2 Peter 1:3-11. This trip will most certainly awaken your soul, while providing you with a framework for understanding God's plan for making unfairness your advantage. Enjoy the ride!""
Gene Redd, J.D. CEO, The Marriage Mentoring Network Author, Inside the Mind of a Godly Husband
"Dr. Arnold sheds new light on marriage via an unexpected passage in Scripture. At first glance, it has nothing to do with marriage, after much consideration, and with Dr. Arnold's encouragement, it becomes apparent it has everything to do with marriage. Through its pages, you will see yourself and see actionable potential for self-improvement and an enhanced marriage. If you take Dr. Arnold's insight, advice and encouragement to heart, you will embark on a journey to a more meaningful personal faith and a more rewarding, productive marriage."
Rick Coplin, Entrepreneur & host of The Success to Significance Podcast
"Initially I reacted to the title, The Unfair Advantage. Probably like some of you, I wondered, "How could a Christian marriage have an unfair advantage?" Knowing Dr. Arnold as I do, I realized that somewhere along the way he would provide a brilliant spiritual twist on the phrase "unfair advantage" to show the magnificent role grace plays to enable Christian marriages to win. I was right! Are you ready to move beyond a thin, marriage-lite experience and experience Christ in a fresh way in your marriage."
Dr. Johnny Parker Turn the Page Leadership Consultant, Executive Coach The Parker Group, LLC Former Chaplain of the Washington Redskins
"Basing the book on 2 Peter 1:3-11 is a concept that I never considered. Through this passage God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. If our lives are godly, then our marriages will be godly also. As we apply this passage to our marriages they will be both effective and fruitful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading and learning from this precious book. I will be rereading it many times and will use it to counsel others in the path to a godly marriage. Well done Dr. Arnold!"
H. Guthrie Chamberlain Founder, The Christian Podcasting Network
"72% of all women have considered divorce – and more than half of all marriages end in divorce – that includes Christian marriages. We may feel like our spouse is the enemy and we're on a battlefield. Dr. Arnold describes with personal stories and scriptures, the unfair advantage that takes couples from warring to winning. This book is written for those who want to dive deeper into the real reason why God put you together. The wisdom gleaned from this book will reveal godly reasons to stay married – and make your soul happy. Another win for the home team!"
Pam Perry, PR coach, PamPerryPR.com
"Married couples often leave God at the altar, but a marriage cannot sustain itself with just two. God must be at the center of your union. But how? In the Unfair Advantage, Dr. Arnold provides you a clear God-centered path that will not only strengthen your union, but will help remind you that marriage is truly one of God's greatest gifts."
Denise LaRosa CEO Mom Talk with Denise LaRosa LLC and author of Empty Shoes