LYH18: How to Avoid the 50-50 Relationship Trap [Podcast]

Hope for marriage

Show Agenda

  • Greater Philadelphia Christian Writer’s Conference
  • Featured Presentation: How to Avoid the 50-50 Relationship Trap

Featured Presentation

Here is the Christian Writer’s Conference that I’ve attended for the past five years, Greater Philadelphia Christian Writer’s Conference

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What is the 50-50 trap?

When you assume that you can develop emotionally satisfying relationships by meeting the other party halfway you’ve fallen for the 50-50 trap. When you expect that you can reach mutual goals by going halfway you’ve fallen for the 50-50 trap. In sum, the 50-50 trap is the erroneous belief that you can reach 100% of your interpersonal goals by each party contributing equally.

When we fall into the 50-50 trap, we feel like another person’s effort is only acceptable if it equals or exceeds our own. We feel like our responsibility is finished when we satisfy our agreed upon terms. In legal language, we use the term quid pro quo to capture the essence of the 50-50 trap. While quid pro quo has merit in the courtroom, it can wreak havoc on your relationships because it leaves little room for grace.

When you feel a spouse, partner, colleague, or friend isn’t fulfilling their side of an agreement, here are seven ways to respond:

  • Step 1: Confirm that expectations for each person are clear
  • Step 2: Communicate how it would feel for you personally for these expectations to be achieved
  • Step 3: Encourage incremental steps the person has already taken
  • Step 4: Look for opportunities to give a little more than you are required to do
  • Step 5: Maintain boundaries so that others do not take advantage of the generosity that you demonstrate
  • Step 6: Solicit the advice / mediation of an objective third-party
  • Step 7: If unbalance persists, reset your expectations (and where applicable consider if this relationship is worthy of your level of investment)

If you’re looking for an opportunity to join with other ministry leaders at a private, intimate 3 day, 2 night retreat that promises to elevate your ministry and your marriage to the next level, visit to learn more

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