LYH45: 7 Signs to Know that You’re Married on Purpose

Married on Purpose
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  • Featured Presentation: 7 Signs to Know that You’re Married on Purpose

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You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/marriedonpurpose

Are you married on purpose?

It isn’t just about raising children well, accumulating material things, or even feeling happy. These are all aspects of being married. But, they aren’t the ultimate WHY God brought you and your spouse together.

In my work with couples and in my own marriage of more than twenty-six years, I have discovered seven signs that suggest your marriage is purposeful.

 

Seven Signs of a Purposeful Marriage

  1. Sign #1: Being married on purpose is an act of grace
  2. Sign #2: Being married on purpose is to tolerate the rationale and serve the relational
  3. Sign #3: Being married on purpose is to cultivate what God planted in your spouse
  4. Sign #4: Being married on purpose is to look inwardly and respond outwardly
  5. Sign #5: Being married on purpose is to unite your passions as a kingdom offering
  6. Sign #6: Being married on purpose is to accept that material things will never give your marriage meaning
  7. Sign # 7: Being married on purpose is to prioritize intimacy as an act of worship

I wish you God’s blessings as you embark upon demonstrating these signs in your own marriage. Leave me a comment and let me know which one resonates most for you personally.

What is easy and hard in being married on purpose?

Check out the blog post HERE to read more about this.

Please do me a huge favor and click HERE to go to iTunes and leave me a rating and review. It will only take 2 minutes of your time. And, it means so much to me. And, just for you, I’ll give you a shout out on the next show.

How to Know if You’re Married on Purpose

Are you married on purpose?

You may think of your children, having imagined finding your purpose in raising kids well as invested, partnered parents.

For some, purpose conjures images of artifacts — the diamond ring, the house, the hotel receipt from the 15th anniversary trip to Hawaii — that in our culture are indicators of marital success.

Some respond to the purpose question according to the level of emotional and sexual satisfaction they feel, at a given moment.

For all their merit, each of these falls short of the beauty found in purpose.

Being married on purpose is a daily decision to live in partnership and covenant. God has anointed your marriage to “good works” that are unique to your partnership. In my work with couples and in my own marriage of more than twenty-six years, I have discovered seven signs that suggest your marriage is purposeful. 

LYH37: How to Build a Marriage No Matter What?

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  • Featured Presentation: How to Build a Marriage No Matter What

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You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/nomatterwhat

During a recent presentation to a group of couples, one of the participants questioned my assertion that we could love our spouse “no matter what”.  Admittedly, it is a bold statement. His concern was that “no matter what” sets a spouse up for abuse. While I agree with the possibility of this extreme, I countered that my concern is that we have watered down this “no matter what” extreme to something more akin to “if I’m not happy”.

If we’re not happy then we have a difficult time believing that God could be. But, what if God isn’t wedded to our personal standard of happiness?

Three Keys to Have a No Matter What Marriage

  1. Keep Facing One Another (no matter what). You are most likely to move in the direction that you are already facing. Frustrated couples often look outside of their marriage for answers to their emotional needs. Then, as difficulties push them, it is only natural that they move towards that which meets their need rather than towards the spouse. Spouses who make a decision to satisfy their emotional needs (especially romantic ones) only within the confines of their marriage satisfy the fundamental requisite of unconditional commitment.
  2. Communicate Honestly (no matter what). Effective communication is the glue that binds marriage. Conveying your needs, wants and feelings with your spouse, even in stressful situations, creates unity. Always remember that the complementary aspect of communicating honestly is listening actively. Active listening relies more on your heart than your ears.
  3. Encourage Each Other (no matter what). Many couples fail to encourage one another either because they do not think it is needed or because of their own insecurities and shortcomings. God, however, placed you and your spouse together to shape each other into His likeness. Encouragement soothes the pain of this molding process. Encouragement provides validation and legitimacy in discouraging and distressing circumstances. Look at how God offers you encouragement in Deuteronomy 31:6: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” I doubt there is any clearer model of “no matter what”.

Leave a comment and let me know if you feel “no matter what” is too extreme a position to state in marriage.

Please do me a huge favor and click HERE to go to iTunes and leave me a rating and review. It will only take 2 minutes of your time. And, it means so much to me. And, just for you, I’ll give you a shout out on the next show.

How to Build a Marriage “No Matter What”

During a recent presentation to a group of couples, one of the participants questioned my assertion that we could love our spouse “no matter what”.  Admittedly, it is a bold statement. His concern was that “no matter what” sets a spouse up for abuse. While I agree with the possibility of this extreme, I countered that my concern is that we have watered down this “no matter what” extreme to something more akin to “if I’m not happy”.

If we’re not happy then we have a difficult time believing that God could be. But, what if God isn’t wedded to our personal standard of happiness?

My belief is that God is more into the development within us when we have an unconditional commitment to him and to our spouse. In fact, God models this notion for us in his unwillingness to love and commit to us less than He does.

Consider two people – a priest who has devoted himself to the Lord for the last fifty years, and an evolutionary biologist who has dedicated himself to proving God does not exist. To which of these people is God most committed?

The 20% Commitment that Yields 80% Growth In Your Marriage

Great marriages don’t just happen. They are co-created—with each spouse contributing 100% to its success. Today I met a couple that has been married 48 years. They said the secret is that he gives 100% and she gives 110%. We laughed. But, they tapped a central truth. Great marriages go all in. These couples are rewarded with a deep sense of happiness and attachment that feels almost spiritual in nature. We all wish for this kind of marriage. Its what we dream about when we first say “I do”. But, for many of us it now feels unrealistic—just too lofty and expectation given where things are currently. But, what if it only took 20% to claim your great marriage? And, that 20% is well within your reach—if you want it.

Most of us are familiar with the well-known Pareto Principle (also known as the 80-20) rule. We’ve seen it applied to many contexts. You may have heard in the workplace that 20% of the people do 80% of the work.

You may have heard it in the church context where 20% of the people give 80% of the donations.

Have you ever thought about the application to your marriage?

In my experience working with couples, I’ve discovered a profound application of the 80-20 rule that is particularly encouraging for those who are losing hope that their marriage will ever be what they dreamed. Twenty percent of what you put into your marriage is responsible for 80% of what you get out of it.