LYH45: 7 Signs to Know that You’re Married on Purpose

Married on Purpose
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  • Featured Presentation: 7 Signs to Know that You’re Married on Purpose

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You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/marriedonpurpose

Are you married on purpose?

It isn’t just about raising children well, accumulating material things, or even feeling happy. These are all aspects of being married. But, they aren’t the ultimate WHY God brought you and your spouse together.

In my work with couples and in my own marriage of more than twenty-six years, I have discovered seven signs that suggest your marriage is purposeful.

 

Seven Signs of a Purposeful Marriage

  1. Sign #1: Being married on purpose is an act of grace
  2. Sign #2: Being married on purpose is to tolerate the rationale and serve the relational
  3. Sign #3: Being married on purpose is to cultivate what God planted in your spouse
  4. Sign #4: Being married on purpose is to look inwardly and respond outwardly
  5. Sign #5: Being married on purpose is to unite your passions as a kingdom offering
  6. Sign #6: Being married on purpose is to accept that material things will never give your marriage meaning
  7. Sign # 7: Being married on purpose is to prioritize intimacy as an act of worship

I wish you God’s blessings as you embark upon demonstrating these signs in your own marriage. Leave me a comment and let me know which one resonates most for you personally.

What is easy and hard in being married on purpose?

Check out the blog post HERE to read more about this.

Please do me a huge favor and click HERE to go to iTunes and leave me a rating and review. It will only take 2 minutes of your time. And, it means so much to me. And, just for you, I’ll give you a shout out on the next show.

How to Know if You’re Married on Purpose

Are you married on purpose?

You may think of your children, having imagined finding your purpose in raising kids well as invested, partnered parents.

For some, purpose conjures images of artifacts — the diamond ring, the house, the hotel receipt from the 15th anniversary trip to Hawaii — that in our culture are indicators of marital success.

Some respond to the purpose question according to the level of emotional and sexual satisfaction they feel, at a given moment.

For all their merit, each of these falls short of the beauty found in purpose.

Being married on purpose is a daily decision to live in partnership and covenant. God has anointed your marriage to “good works” that are unique to your partnership. In my work with couples and in my own marriage of more than twenty-six years, I have discovered seven signs that suggest your marriage is purposeful. 

LYH37: How to Build a Marriage No Matter What?

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  • Featured Presentation: How to Build a Marriage No Matter What

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You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/nomatterwhat

During a recent presentation to a group of couples, one of the participants questioned my assertion that we could love our spouse “no matter what”.  Admittedly, it is a bold statement. His concern was that “no matter what” sets a spouse up for abuse. While I agree with the possibility of this extreme, I countered that my concern is that we have watered down this “no matter what” extreme to something more akin to “if I’m not happy”.

If we’re not happy then we have a difficult time believing that God could be. But, what if God isn’t wedded to our personal standard of happiness?

Three Keys to Have a No Matter What Marriage

  1. Keep Facing One Another (no matter what). You are most likely to move in the direction that you are already facing. Frustrated couples often look outside of their marriage for answers to their emotional needs. Then, as difficulties push them, it is only natural that they move towards that which meets their need rather than towards the spouse. Spouses who make a decision to satisfy their emotional needs (especially romantic ones) only within the confines of their marriage satisfy the fundamental requisite of unconditional commitment.
  2. Communicate Honestly (no matter what). Effective communication is the glue that binds marriage. Conveying your needs, wants and feelings with your spouse, even in stressful situations, creates unity. Always remember that the complementary aspect of communicating honestly is listening actively. Active listening relies more on your heart than your ears.
  3. Encourage Each Other (no matter what). Many couples fail to encourage one another either because they do not think it is needed or because of their own insecurities and shortcomings. God, however, placed you and your spouse together to shape each other into His likeness. Encouragement soothes the pain of this molding process. Encouragement provides validation and legitimacy in discouraging and distressing circumstances. Look at how God offers you encouragement in Deuteronomy 31:6: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” I doubt there is any clearer model of “no matter what”.

Leave a comment and let me know if you feel “no matter what” is too extreme a position to state in marriage.

Please do me a huge favor and click HERE to go to iTunes and leave me a rating and review. It will only take 2 minutes of your time. And, it means so much to me. And, just for you, I’ll give you a shout out on the next show.

5 Biblical Lessons to Keep Your Marriage Fresh

Our refrigerators and cupboards are full of products with stamped expiration dates. Except for infant formula, dating these products is not a federal regulation. But, it is useful for stores and consumers to assess whether a given product is safe or unsafe for consumption. So, the ardent shopper checks that “sell by” date, especially on the perishable items like milk and eggs. This morning I checked the expiration date on one of my purchases only to learn that it had indeed expired. Should I eat it or throw it away? As I carefully inspected it to see if I was indeed edible, I began to think of the connection to marriage. How many couples are living in outdated marriages—going through the motions with freshness that has long expired?

Keeping your marriage fresh

The answer is “way too many”. It shows in the data. According to Dana Adam Shapiro’s research for his book You Can Be Right (or You Can Be Married),very few married people are happy — he says about 17 percent. Another study reveals that a large percentage of married couples (~40%) say that they are not very happy in their marriage. It’s sad. For many of these couples, the relationship that started out with a sense of bliss and hopeful optimism has deteriorated into a functional partnership at best.

One study of 3000 couples identifies five top problems reported by these frustrated couples.

  • Lack of spontaneity
  • Lack of romance
  • Terrible sex life
  • No time to give each other attention
  • Lack of time to talk

One-third of couples suggest things like the loss of romantic trips away, cooking of favorite meals, and the surprise bouquet of flowers as examples of their outdated marriages. These couples have allowed the proverbial “shelf life” of their marriage to diminish. It feels stale and distasteful.

This disappointing state of marriage reminds me of the biblical account of the Hebrew people during their wilderness experience after escaping the slavery of Egypt.

LYH27: 10 Unspoken Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Would Do

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Featured Presentation: 10 Unspoken Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Would Do

You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/unspokenwishes

We husbands often don’t talk to our wives about our wishes. So, to help out both us husbands and our bewildered wives, I’d like to propose 10 things that we husbands wish our wives would do—even though we may never actually ask for them.

10 (Unspoken) Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Would Do

  • Wish #1: Give him a foot rub
  • Wish #2: Take a shower (or bubble bath) together
  • Wish #3: Tell him he looks good
  • Wish #4: Affirm his leadership of the family
  • Wish #5: Express gratitude for the provision that he makes for the family
  • Wish #6: Show him that you’re his biggest fan
  • Wish #7: Tell him that you’d marry him all over again
  • Wish #8: Tell him you trust him with your future
  • Wish #9: You’re ready to tackle your finances as a team
  • Wish #10: Encourage his lovemaking

So, there are my 10 unspoken things that I believe wives can do for their husbands. I’m sure that some of you wives are questioning why or how you should encourage your husband in an area if he doesn’t seem to be making sufficient effort in any one particular area. This is a great point.

But, sometimes, it is important to encourage that which you don’t see yet. The key is to affirm the baby steps. Even if there are really small ones. In many instances, if you sincerely encourage the small things, you will begin to see bigger things.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts about these ten thoughts. Are they spoken or unspoken in your marriage? Leave a comment and let me know.

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