10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Would Do, But Would Probably Never Ask

We husbands are a funny bunch. In some ways we are paragons of contradiction.  Some of us have a tough exterior but are soft in the middle.  Others say few words but no shortage of opinions. Still others never talk about feelings but wear them on our sleeves. It is no surprise then that our wives often wonder what in the world is going through our minds. But, since many of us don’t really share what is going through our mind, our wives are often left in bewilderment. They feel like outsiders yearning to get closer to us but not knowing how to do it. This post is for those wives who wish for a little glimpse into their husbands’ head. Here are ten things that your husband probably wishes you would do. But, here’s the kicker. He probably will never ask.

I admit. For many of us, it is hard to get in our heads because sometimes we don’t even understand what we’re thinking. Until we figure it out, we may not talk too much about it. And, even then, only in bite size pieces. Even then, only if we feel it is safe to do so. Yes, we husbands are funny like that sometimes.

Why is it so hard for us husbands to ask for what we want? That’s a tricky question. But, it is usually one of five reasons:

  • We’ve been socialized to believe that real men don’t ask for such things.
  • We don’t feel safe enough in the relationship.
  • Makes us too vulnerable
  • It seems too trivial
  • Fear of rejection

So, to help out both us husbands and our bewildered wives, I’d like to propose 10 things that we husbands wish our wives would do—even though we may never actually ask for them.

LYH26: A More Truthful Approach to Christian Parenting [PODCAST]

happy family in  summertime

Show Agenda
Featured Presentation: #IBNO: A More Truthful Approach to Christian Parenting

Featured Presentation

You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/ibno

 IBNO: A Fresh Perspective on Christian Parenting

It is the nature of man to pursue greatness if that is what is expected of him.” – John Steinbeck

“I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world.” (John 17:14-18)

It is from this passage that we Christians have culled the often heard phrase to be “in the world, but not of the world”. I capture this thought as “IBNO“.

In obedience to this John 17 passage, I’ve developed five lessons that I believe we Christian parents are responsible for demonstrating and transmitting to our young and even adult children. As in most parenting lessons, these are habits that are better caught than taught. In other words, we parents have to consistently show them to our children.

  • Lesson #1: Believe in something bigger than yourself (v18)
  • Lesson #2: Be true to yourself and if everyone likes you, something is wrong (v14)
  • Lesson #3: Your real adversary is not of this world (v15)
  • Lesson #4: There is a such thing as absolute Truth (v17)
  • Lesson #5: They have a supernatural mission

So, there you have my five IBNO parenting lessons.  I pray that it starts a movement #IBNO. Use that hashtag on all of your social media channels. Tell your friends.

Be #IBNO.

Click HERE to subscribe to this Podcast in iTunes. Also, I’d really appreciate if you would leave a rating and/or review on iTunes. That will help me tremendously.

Play

IBNO: A truthful approach to Christian parenting

Red or Blue Pill. Which will you choose? As a Christian parent, you have a choice. If you take the blue pill, you can just close this post right now. Nothing ever changes. You go on believing what you want to believe. Life and parenting feels like it always has for you. But, if you take the red pill, you will fully digest this post. You will see just how deep the rabbit hole goes. You may be familiar with this pivotal crisis point in the first Matrix movie as Keanu Reeve’s character “Neo” faced a life-altering choice for truth (red) or illusion (blue). Such is the state of today’s Christian parenting. Which will you choose? I pray you choose the red pill and raise the banner of #IBNO. More about that later.

red_pill_blue_pill

Life Inside the Cocoon

I am a Christian parent of two. I have an adult son, Quilan, who recently turned 23 and a teenage daughter, Kyrsten, who is 16. And, for most of their lives, I have done my very best to keep them in a cocoon. Yes, more specifically, a Christian cocoon. You may be familiar with it—maybe even have your own membership card.

Personally, I liked the cocoon because it felt like a safe place for a nice Christian family like mine. After all, there is a biblically-derived code, sometimes unspoken, other times explicit, that everyone is supposed to follow. And, I’m a good rule-follower—always have been.

The cocoon collective affirms those like me who follow its life script. The script goes something like this. Do well in school. Stay out of trouble with the law. Don’t have sex before marriage. Be happily married. Stay faithful to your spouse for a lifetime. Be a productive member of society. Regularly attend and support your local church. Produce little cocoon children.  And, the #1 cocoon rule, love God and neighbor (at least cocoon-approved ones) with all your heart.

LYH25: Why Everyone Needs a Role Model [PODCAST]

Inspire word cloud

Featured Presentation: Why Everyone Needs a Role Model

Click HERE to find the full blog post on this topic.

Ministry-development rubric: “Be a Barnabas. Train a Timothy. Pursue a Paul.”

Here are five fail-proof tips when choosing who your Paul (role model) will be.

Choose someone who:

  1. Makes you feel comfortable (you would enjoy sitting with them and chatting in a coffee shop)
  2. Is transparent and authentic (shares his/her successes and failures as a learning experience)
  3. Has measurable success in your area of interest
  4. Is consistently generous in offering valuable content
  5. Prioritizes your needs and success over his/her income generation

Please leave a rating and/or review on iTunes will tremendously help me.  Click HERE to subscribe to this Podcast in iTunes. Also, I’d really appreciate if you would leave a rating and/or review on iTunes. That will help me tremendously.

Play

Why Does Everyone Need a Paul (Role Model)?

If you are like me and ready to elevate your life to a higher level then there is one move you absolutely must make.  Follow people who are at a higher level.  It seems pretty obvious. But, the reality is that most people who desire to be an elite spouse, parent, minister, athlete, or businessperson don’t achieve it because they don’t follow the right people. They don’t have mentors. Yet, mentors are so hard to find. The answer may be in finding your model rather than your mentor. Yet, too often, we fail to identify either.

mentor

The problem is understandable.

We associate with our peers because they are likeminded. We can relate to them on many levels. We have many ideologies and behaviors in common. It is important to have a strong peer network for accountability and encouragement.

We reach out to those in need because we have experience and ideas that we believe can help them. Our compassion to make a difference compels us to reach out to those who can benefit from our gifts. It is imperative to reach those in need for perspective and humility.

I really like the oft-used ministry-development rubric that we all should “Be a Barnabas. Train a Timothy. Pursue a Paul.”

Barnabas was an encourager. He worked alongside others including Paul and Timothy encouraging their success. He was a staunch advocate. When others doubt Paul and Timothy’s veracity, Barnabas believed in them. In addition to his physical presence, scripture (Acts 4:36) shows that he also put his money where his mouth is in selling his own possessions to support the work of the Early church.

Many of us understand and walk in a Barnabas anointing. Others achieve success because we advocate for them.

In my own life, I have many Barnabas relationships—other marriage and family educators, coaches, ministers, business leaders with whom I share ideas and dreams. I value these relationships.

Timothy represents another key type of relationship—traininee or mentee. Timothy, a younger and less experienced believer, was mentored by Paul (despite Paul’s initial reluctance). Paul’s extensive missiological experience served as a deep reservoir from which Timothy drew. Paul ultimately referred to Timothy as “a son in the faith”, connoting the deep bond that he felt as his mentor.

Again, many of us educate and mentor others—empowering them to be all that God has for them to be. I have many Timothy relationships in my life as well as I proactively reach out to train others on leadership and relationship well-being.

I believe that many of us effectively emulate Barnabas’ encouragement. Many of us train and assist the Timothy figures that God places in our path. While these relationships are vital, they can also be draining—pulling energy from us.

But, there is one type of relationship that seems too often missing—Paul relationships.