Tag Archives: better parenting

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How To Elevate Your Life with a “Smarter Yes”

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We live in a noisy world. Everywhere you turn there it is. Noise vying for your attention. Noise at home as the spouse and children place demands on you. Noise at work as the co-workers and supervisors push you to the brink. Noise at church as ministry commitments progressively encroach on your discretionary time. You want to be great at home, work, church, and in your community commitments. But, it feels overwhelming. You thought it was just going to be for a season. But, one season just rolls into another one. Now, you’re burning out physically and emotionally. You feel depleted—not sure how much longer you can keep going. People think you’re superhuman. But, you know you need better boundaries. It’s hard though because it’s hard to say ‘No’ out of a visceral fear of what might be lost. Your answer may simply lie in learning a smarter yes.

The noise is a direct outgrowth of our busyness. Busyness has been, in fact, the status symbol of the 21st century—particularly among the baby boom generation. We wear it like a badge of honor. We behave as if the person with the busiest calendar must be the most important—the most valued. My calendar is fuller than yours—with each engagement feeling like an affirmation to our ego or bank account.

You can see it even in our standard greetings as we add ‘…just crazy busy’ to whatever status we report. Despite the fatigue we may feel physically, our minds tell us that to be busy is to be needed and important. We feel like our life is counting for something. So, we live in this ironic conundrum—pursuing busyness while seeking shelter from the noise.

Yes, I’m guilty!

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LYH20: Three Ways to Celebrate Blended Families

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Featured Presentation

Click HERE to read the full blog post.

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Why We Must Notice Blended Families

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For years, blended families have lacked the support that they need to thrive—often ridiculed as imperfect and ignored in the family education movement and even the churches. While society still celebrates spouses whose first marriage is their only marriage and who only birth children within this context, fewer and fewer families fit this model. The reality is that blended family configurations now represent a force that cannot be ignored or marginalized. Blended families are the “new normal” and they represent an opportunity to bring majesty to our culture.

For much of American history, the traditional family structure has been lauded and romanticized as ideal (though admittedly there was hypocrisy in the handling of Black families during slavery). The celebrated paradigm for families went something like this. Virgins marry. Children are born within the context of the marriage. And, first marriages last until one spouse dies. People who didn’t fit within this model were stigmatized, sometimes even outcast, in many communities.

But, times change.

The Blended Family Boom

American culture is experiencing a blended family boom. This trend represents a convergence of several national trends:

  • Our sexualized culture has created an atmosphere where virginity before marriage has become too rare
  • 41% of all unmarried couples living together also have children living with them (a figure that is even higher in the African-American community)
  • Even when marriage does occur, only about half of first marriages survive. The odds are even worse for second and third marriages.
  • The presence of children is no longer a high barrier to divorce. In fact, about 65% of re-marriages involve children from the prior marriage)

The results speak for themselves.

  • 2,100 new blended families are formed EVERY day in America
  • More than one-third of the U.S. population is in stepfamily configurations (meaning 1 out of 3 Americans is now a stepparent, a stepchild, a step sibling, or some other member of a stepfamily)
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LYH19: Five Steps to Maximize Your Relational Footprint [Podcast]

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Here’s a riddle for you? What do carbon emissions and marriage have in common?

Featured Presentation: Five Steps to Maximize Your Relational Footprint

Featured Presentation

You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/relationalfootprint

The answer to the riddle…they both leave a footprint, one that will outlast your years here on earth. 

In a real sense, footprints are what each of us leaves behind when we move on. Whether positive or negative it is our legacy, an indelible reminder that we were there.

I wonder what is my relational footprint? In other words, what impact are my marriage, parenting, and friendships having on people that I know as well as those whom I will never meet now or in the future.

Unfortunately, too many people leave a small relational footprint because they think selfishly  about getting their own financial, emotional, and sexual needs satisfied. The impact of our short-sighted relationships dominate the news. Popular culture increasingly challenges the relevance of marriage. Divorce rates remain intransigent. Child poverty and economic impoverishment more generally continue to plague inner cities. Education systems, particularly urban ones, often graduate only half of its students.  Trans-generational epidemics of teenage pregnancy and father absenteeism continue to mar the national landscape.

I would like to suggest five steps to maximize your relational footprint and fulfill the purpose for which you exist. These steps are effective because they shift the focus away from exclusively you to a broader concern for those around you.

Five Steps for Maximum Relational Footprint

  • Step 1: Assume a redemptive posture
  • Step 2: Give others the best of yourself
  • Step 3: Maintain healthy boundaries
  • Step 4: Adopt a positive narrative
  • Step 5: Demonstrate a spiritual sensitivity

These five steps for maximal relational impact are effective because they  are altruistic–focused on touching the lives of others.

What do you desire your relational footprint to ultimately be? Leave a comment below and let me know.  I can’t wait to hear your thoughts. 

Please leave a rating and/or review on iTunes. This will help me tremendously.

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Five Steps to Maximize Your Relational Footprint

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Here’s a riddle for you? What do carbon emissions and marriage have in common?

The answer…they both leave a footprint, one that will outlast your years here on earth. In a real sense, footprints are what each of us leaves behind when we move on. Whether positive or negative it is our legacy, an indelible reminder that we were there.

Scientists increasingly admonish us to be more considerate of the impact that our individual behaviors (e.g., electricity usage, transportation emissions, and waste management) have on the health of our planet. Though I admittedly feel as if some of their worries are overblown, there is no question that we humans have to become more responsible for our carbon footprint–our impact on the earth for future generations.The premise of course is that our responsibility is to leave as small a carbon footprint as possible in order to preserve our earthly home for future generations.

However, as I listened to one of these environmental debates, I began to think about the imprint that we leave in other domains as well–particularly in relational areas.

I wonder what is my relational footprint? In other words, what impact are my marriage, parenting, and friendships having on people that I know as well as those whom I will never meet now or in the future. Contrary to the interest in minimizing one’s carbon footprint, the objective is to leave as large a relational footprint as possible in order to positively influence individuals and communities for future generations.