“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate,” from the 1967 film Cool Hand Luke, was a line not directed to cross-cultural couples. But, it could have been. For more than 26 years, I’ve been in a cross-cultural marriage to an amazing Latina who is of Panamanian heritage. As an African-American male from the South I was ill-prepared for the impact that cultural assumptions would play in our marriage, especially in the early years. Part of the problem was that my wife’s ethnic identity was a mix of African-American and Hispanic. But, our ignorance in sensitively handling our different marital assumptions, caused a lot of problems in our marriage. We definitely had a failure to communicate.
Professional counselors agree that communication failures are among the most common reasons couples seek help.
All couples struggle to integrate their personality differences, competing interests, varying emotional needs and divergent conflict resolution styles into one healthy marriage. For couples who layer distinct cultural backgrounds onto this mix, effective communication is even more critical.
Our ethnic cultures constitute part of the package that socializes us into what is “acceptable communication” in marriage. Understanding in the cross-cultural marriage in particular requires grasping cultural nuances in both the content (what is said) and structure (how it is said) of communication. Communication content and structure are guided by cultural assumptions about power sharing, gender roles and acceptable conflict resolution styles.
GRACE: The Secret Sauce
