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Dr. Harold

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The Final Summit – A Book Review

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What is the key to success in our lives? We typically attribute “success” to financial wealth, physical health, or maybe a strong family system. It is true that these are all signs of success. But, do they adequately capture the essence of success?

In his book, The Final Summit, author Andy Andrews uses a fictitious account of our protagonist, David Ponder, to weave a story about the pillars for sustained success.

Our main character has built, lost, and rebuilt an empire based on character and financial acumen using seven principles that he was taught through a time-traveling experience with great leaders of the past. These principles are lessons for us all (my personal favorite is to make a decision to be happy).

But, the plot thickens. Based on the main characters ability to apply these seven principles he has been summoned to a celestial summit where the fate of humanity is in the balance. Great leaders in history have been called to answer a single question to change the downward slide of mankind.

I don’t want to give the spoiler. But, let’s just say that it involves an action that ultimately is the charge for all of us.

I spend most of my discretionary time thinking, speaking, and writing about issues of marriage, family, and leadership. This is the vineyard in which God has placed me. My responsibility is to be obedient to this sage charge.

Your specific vineyard may differ from mine. But, the charge is the same for you. We are all called to be the best stewards of what God has put in our hands. And, stewardship always involves action.

While I did not find this book, The Final Summit, to be an extremely innovative resource or to reveal deep mysteries, I do think it is an effective reminder. It reminds us that we must conquer our fears and inhibitions. It reminds us that we must be wise, courageous, and self-determined. And, in the end it reminds us that we represent Christ as others see what we DO.

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How to Make Beauty from Marital Ashes

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“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified” – Isaiah 61:1-3

I love this passage from the book of Isaiah because it is a reminder of the three elements of my own commission.
  • First, as an educator my goal is to bring good news to those needing some-particularly as it relates to relational challenges.
  • Second, as a psychologist I seek to help others see the psychological and relational chains that weigh down their aspirations.
  • Third, as a Christian to offer Christ as the perfect substitute for the heaviness of spirit that causes many to languish in unfulfilling relationships.
Marriage relationships (and other intimate relationships) have tremendous power to dictate how liberated we feel in life. These relationships influence how we see ourselves and the world around us. Many spouses are struggling in the marriage because they see the relationship as limiting and binding. Does this describe you?
The differences in expectations, preferences, and needs may be wreaking havoc. Despite your attempts to improve communication and reduce conflict, it seems you just keep repeating the same patterns over and over again. And, many times there is no one to talk to that really understands your struggle.
If this is you, the word of the Lord today is “beauty for ashes.” In the Old Testament the custom was to mourn in sackcloth with ashes placed upon your head. The ashes are significant because they represent complete destruction. When something is broken, it may be fixed. But, when something is reduced to ashes it is destroyed.
God, however, is promising to replace your mourning over that which you see as destroyed with something beautiful. You may wonder “where is this beauty” when you think about your marriage relationship.
Isaiah gives us a clue. It is in the joy and the praise.
It is seeing the glass half full rather than half empty.
It is appreciating the beauty and wonder in the small things that surround you.
It is in the splendor of the telephone call or email that came right when you needed to hear good news. It is in the warm smile that you exchange with the neighbor or someone in the grocery store.
When we experience this beauty it reminds us in a quite tangible way of the magnitude of God’s glory. Married folks (particularly those of us who are mourning aspects of our marriage), let’s challenge one another to see the beauty with which God surrounds us.
What ideas can you suggest for turning the ashes or trouble spots in marriage into beauty?
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How to Lead Your Home Through Difficult Times

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“Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.” —Jack Welch

Over the past 5 years, I have had the opportunity to encourage hundreds of families on techniques for builder stronger marital and parental relationship skills.  I have certainly been encouraged by some of the results that I’ve seen.

For example, just last week I received a message from a young man that my wife and I met at a marriage retreat that we conducted for a military group from Maryland. During the retreat, my wife and I had the opportunity to talk one on one with him and his wife. They were in the early years of their marriage. And, they were struggling—with even some talk about whether this marriage would last. Over the course of a couple of hours, my wife and I felt like we did the best we could to help them.

His message to me last week warmed my heart as he talked about how wonderfully he and his wife have been doing. I was elated. I just couldn’t stop smiling. During the email exchange I asked him what turned things around. His response was simple yet profound:

  • I stopped making excuses
  • I started living for my wife

As I think about this young man’s response, it reminded me of the quote above by the renown leadership guru, Jack Welch. Before we become a leader, we can legitimately focus on our own growth. But, once we don that leadership mantle, then success is about developing others.

While many of us think about the importance of leadership development in our vocation and places of business, we are often remiss in considering our leadership in the most important venue—HOME.

As such, we spend countless hours investing in those outside our home and often little, or no, time developing those most close to us.

And, just a glimpse into pastors’ struggles, reveals the cruel realities of this leadership deficit at home:

  • 77% of pastors surveyed felt that they did not have a good marriage themselves
  • 50% of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce
  • Almost 40% of pastors polled admit to an extramarital affair since beginning their ministry

How sad. What is the message?

We must first lead our homes. And, this blog is dedicated to that topic. Yes, leadership topics will be addressed more broadly. But, it has to start at home. Without that, the trajectory of your life will fall far short of its intended impact.

If you are a spouse, you have the leadership responsibility to develop your spouse into the person s/he dreams to be.

If you are a parent, you have the leadership responsibility to guide your children along the path to fulfill their destiny.

If you are a sibling or a caregiver of any nature you have leadership responsibility.

How you handle your home often dictates how you will lead in the other areas of your life. And, as important, it will prepare those within your sphere of influence to indeed be leaders themselves.

Marriage is an opportunity to lead the one to whom you are committed through the mountains of success as well as the valleys of difficulty. Herein lies its beauty and its challenge.

I’m so thankful that my young friend above realized early in his marriage two important aspects of leading home. We all have to stop allowing excuses to exonerate our poor behavior. Let’s own it.

Then, we have to realize, “it’s not about me”. At least it is not only about you. We each have to focus on the needs of the others in our path. When we do, the course of our relationship exponentially shifts.

Now its your turn.

Why do you think pastor’s marriages struggle as they do? How, if at all, might these statistics shift if pastors could adapt those two suggestions made by my friend?

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.