Category Archives: Leadership

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Unleashing the Power of Your Relational Brand

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Advertising is everywhere. Television, radio, bulletin boards, online banners, and other media channels bombard us with advertising designed to steer our preferences for practically everything—striving to claim a share of our thinking and of course our wallets. They spend hundreds of thousands even millions of dollars for 30 second spots intended to grab our attention. Its called “branding”. Does it work? Yes. You know that Michael Jordan’s Air Jordan sneakers is Nike’s brand. Those of us over forty still remember the images of the lonely Maytag repairman who has little work to do because of such reliable Maytag appliances.  We associate Volvo with safety because of branding. The message is that branding works. I just spent two days in Denver, Colorado with an excellent branding specialist, Dick Bruso, to better hone in on a brand that best captures the essence of me. It was a great experience. You’ll hear more about that in coming months. But, the process got me thinking about the brand that each of us convey in our meaningful relationships.  When people think of me, Dr. Harold, what comes to their mind? That is my brand. What is your brand?

The American Marketing Association (AMA) defines a brand as a combination of factors that identify the product and differentiate it from other products. We can pretty easily understand how this applies to commercial products.

But, what about your own relational brand? What combination of factors uniquely define you?

During my time with the branding specialist, he asked me how those who know me well describe me. He wanted to know what specific words they would use. I thought about actual words that gracious friends have recently articulated like “hard-working”, “committed”, and “smart”. I appreciate the positive sentiment that friends ascribe to me character. But, capturing one’s relational brand goes beyond describing personality characteristics.

Rather, what words would people use to describe their relationship with me? What images come to their mind? Do they see me as someone who walks alongside them when they are in a time of need? Am I perceived as someone who knows how to listen to their heart in the good and the tough times? Are they left behind in the wake of my busyness? Is my engagement with them consistent with how they see me engage with others?

These are the type of questions that inform your relational branding.

Why is your relational brand important?

Ultimately, it is the same as the reason that branding is important to commercial products. It’s about influence.

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LYH28: How to Truly Apologize and Recover Your Relationships [PODCAST]

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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NOTE: Though the content is audible, this episode has a technical problem with low level hissing throughout the program.

Show Agenda

  • My Week in Review
  • Featured Presentation: How to Truly Apologize and Recover Your Relationship

Featured Presentation

You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/trueapology

Five Phrases of a Genuine Apology

  • Phrase #1: “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
  • Phrase #2: “I errantly said that BECAUSE…”
  • Phase #3: “My relationship with you is very important to me.”
  • Phrase #4: “When I said that, how did it make you feel?”
  • Phrase #5: “I will do my best to never say that again.”

The key to keep in mind that these are not just words that you are saying. Rather, they are feelings that you are sharing. You are sharing your contriteness at what happened. You are sharing how important the relationship is to you. You are sharing a commitment to not make the mistake again.

In other words, a true apology requires your whole self to be committed to the act.

Be sure to use these suggestions as a guide. But, put it into your own words. It needs to sound like you.

I’d love to hear what happens when you’ve tried this approach to an apology. So, leave me a comment and let me know.

Also, it would be a tremendous help to me if you would leave a rating or review of this show on iTunes. Would you do that for me?

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How to Truly Apologize and Recover Your Relationship

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There is a lie that we learn as early as kindergarten. We even have a little song to help cement it in our consciousness. “Sticks and stones may break my bones. But, words will never hurt me.” It’s meant to help anesthetize us from hurtful encounters with other children and help us develop “thicker skin”. And, yes, it may indeed serve that purpose to some extent. The problem, however, is that as we age, we forget the tremendous power that words do have. They can give pleasure. But they also can hurt. Very deeply. Often worse than sticks and stones. In fact, when even one negative exchange happens, research shows that it takes as many as five positive ones to offset it. We see then that words not only have power. But, that negative words are actually more powerful than positive ones. When you find yourself having offended someone important to you with your words, here are five phrases that show you how to truly apologize–a key step to restoring the relationship.

Since 1862, appearing first in an African Methodist Episcopal Church publication called the Christian Recorder, the famous “sticks and stones” phrase has become intertwined in the American lexicon. More recently psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in his work with couples has found that it takes a ratio of five positive exchanges to counterbalance one negative exchange. In fact, it is this ratio that Dr. Gottman and his team can predict with 94% accuracy which married couples will divorce and which will survive. But, the principle of the five to one ratio extends far beyond just marriages. It is the nature of being human-certainly in Western culture.

Whether we are talking about relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, friend to friend, or co-worker to co-worker, the reality is that hurtful words will happen. Negative exchanges can happen even in good relationships. Sometimes, it happens because we speak without thinking. Other times, we let our emotions get the best of us. Still other times, we react before understanding the full context of the situation. The end result is that we damage the relationship, usually without intending to do so. There is distance and friction.

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LYH25: Why Everyone Needs a Role Model [PODCAST]

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Featured Presentation: Why Everyone Needs a Role Model

Click HERE to find the full blog post on this topic.

Ministry-development rubric: “Be a Barnabas. Train a Timothy. Pursue a Paul.”

Here are five fail-proof tips when choosing who your Paul (role model) will be.

Choose someone who:

  1. Makes you feel comfortable (you would enjoy sitting with them and chatting in a coffee shop)
  2. Is transparent and authentic (shares his/her successes and failures as a learning experience)
  3. Has measurable success in your area of interest
  4. Is consistently generous in offering valuable content
  5. Prioritizes your needs and success over his/her income generation

Please leave a rating and/or review on iTunes will tremendously help me.  Click HERE to subscribe to this Podcast in iTunes. Also, I’d really appreciate if you would leave a rating and/or review on iTunes. That will help me tremendously.

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Why Does Everyone Need a Paul (Role Model)?

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If you are like me and ready to elevate your life to a higher level then there is one move you absolutely must make.  Follow people who are at a higher level.  It seems pretty obvious. But, the reality is that most people who desire to be an elite spouse, parent, minister, athlete, or businessperson don’t achieve it because they don’t follow the right people. They don’t have mentors. Yet, mentors are so hard to find. The answer may be in finding your model rather than your mentor. Yet, too often, we fail to identify either.

The problem is understandable.

We associate with our peers because they are likeminded. We can relate to them on many levels. We have many ideologies and behaviors in common. It is important to have a strong peer network for accountability and encouragement.

We reach out to those in need because we have experience and ideas that we believe can help them. Our compassion to make a difference compels us to reach out to those who can benefit from our gifts. It is imperative to reach those in need for perspective and humility.

I really like the oft-used ministry-development rubric that we all should “Be a Barnabas. Train a Timothy. Pursue a Paul.”

Barnabas was an encourager. He worked alongside others including Paul and Timothy encouraging their success. He was a staunch advocate. When others doubt Paul and Timothy’s veracity, Barnabas believed in them. In addition to his physical presence, scripture (Acts 4:36) shows that he also put his money where his mouth is in selling his own possessions to support the work of the Early church.

Many of us understand and walk in a Barnabas anointing. Others achieve success because we advocate for them.

In my own life, I have many Barnabas relationships—other marriage and family educators, coaches, ministers, business leaders with whom I share ideas and dreams. I value these relationships.

Timothy represents another key type of relationship—traininee or mentee. Timothy, a younger and less experienced believer, was mentored by Paul (despite Paul’s initial reluctance). Paul’s extensive missiological experience served as a deep reservoir from which Timothy drew. Paul ultimately referred to Timothy as “a son in the faith”, connoting the deep bond that he felt as his mentor.

Again, many of us educate and mentor others—empowering them to be all that God has for them to be. I have many Timothy relationships in my life as well as I proactively reach out to train others on leadership and relationship well-being.

I believe that many of us effectively emulate Barnabas’ encouragement. Many of us train and assist the Timothy figures that God places in our path. While these relationships are vital, they can also be draining—pulling energy from us.

But, there is one type of relationship that seems too often missing—Paul relationships.