How to Fail Your Way to Success

In his first inaugural address, March 4, 1933, in the midst of the Great Depression President Franklin D. Roosevelt coined the famous quote “…the only thing we have to fear is…fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” Powerful words at a time of national crisis—reminding us that fear is often our worst enemy in our efforts to reach our goals. One of the most prevalent fears is a fear of failure. While everyone has some trepidation about something. But, according to Psychology Today this fear of failure is so great that is overwhelms their motivation to succeed—often sabotaging their own chances of success and passionate pursuits. But, I would like to propose a paradigm shift—one in which failure is welcome—maybe even celebrated as the surest path to success.

We all fail. That is a fact of life.

  • Hall of fame baseball player, Ted Williams, is regarded as on of the greatest hitters in baseball history. But, he failed to get a hit nearly two-thirds of the time.
  • In 1995, author J. K Rowling completed her first Harry Potter novel only to have it rejected by all 12 publishing houses to which is was sent.
  • American inventor, Thomas Edison, is renown for the litany of failures that he experienced on his journey to discovering the optimal filament for the light bulb.

Yes. Failure is real. But, success can be on the other side of failure—if you keep going and apply learning along the way.

In fact, I would like to propose ten steps that can shift your mindset about failure—allowing you to experience that paragon of success in your own life.

Success is not about being the smartest, the prettiest, or the luckiest.

Rather, success is a commitment to consistency and persistency. And, you must be successful in your thinking before you can be successful in your doing.

LYH33: Five Ways to Thrive in Your Cross-Cultural Marriage [PODCAST]

Show Agenda

Featured Presentation

You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/crossculturegrace

All couples struggle to integrate their personality differences, competing interests, varying emotional needs and divergent conflict resolution styles into one healthy marriage. For couples who layer distinct cultural backgrounds onto this mix, effective communication is even more critical.

GRACE: The Secret Sauce

Grace, modeled by Christ’s death on the cross, must be the bridge for the cross-cultural couple. Couples often miss each other in their efforts to cross the chasms of their differences. Graceful acts redeem their interaction – giving it purpose beyond their personal and cultural expectations.

I would like to offer G-R-A-C-E as a practical acrostic to help the cross-cultural couple surmount communication challenges. This five-step process emphasizes a mutual pursuit of grace in the form of God-inspired human action:

  • GGive your spouse the benefit of the doubt.
  • RRisk being honest
  • AAccept your spouse’s feelings at face value
  • CComplain without criticizing.
  • EEmbrace your differences.

I talk about G.R.A.C.E. as paramount for cross-cultural couples. And, it is. But, the reality is that these are also the keys for all couples.

Leave me a comment and let me know how you have successfully embraced G.R.A.C.E. in your marriage. What has made it difficult at times?

Please do me a huge favor and click HERE to go to iTunes and leave me a rating and review. It will only take 2 minutes of your time. And, it means so much to me. And, just for you, I’ll give you a shout out on the next show.

5 Ways to Thrive in Your Cross-cultural Marriage

“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate,” from the 1967 film Cool Hand Luke, was a line not directed to cross-cultural couples. But, it could have been. For more than 26 years, I’ve been in a cross-cultural marriage to an amazing Latina who is of Panamanian heritage. As an African-American male from the South I was ill-prepared for the impact that cultural assumptions would play in our marriage, especially in the early years. Part of the problem was that my wife’s ethnic identity was a mix of African-American and Hispanic. But, our ignorance in sensitively handling our different marital assumptions, caused a lot of problems in our marriage. We definitely had a failure to communicate.

Professional counselors agree that communication failures are among the most common reasons couples seek help.

All couples struggle to integrate their personality differences, competing interests, varying emotional needs and divergent conflict resolution styles into one healthy marriage. For couples who layer distinct cultural backgrounds onto this mix, effective communication is even more critical.

Our ethnic cultures constitute part of the package that socializes us into what is “acceptable communication” in marriage. Understanding in the cross-cultural marriage in particular requires grasping cultural nuances in both the content (what is said) and structure (how it is said) of communication. Communication content and structure are guided by cultural assumptions about power sharing, gender roles and acceptable conflict resolution styles.

GRACE: The Secret Sauce

LYH32: 5 Biblical Lessons to Keep Your Marriage Fresh [PODCAST]

Show Agenda

  • Featured Presentation: Five Biblical Lessons to Keep Your Marriage Fresh
  • Resources Mentioned:
  • Lesson Principle: You can’t live today’s marriage on yesterday’s manna.

Featured Presentation

You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/marriagemanna

One study of 3000 couples identifies five top problems reported by these frustrated couples:

  • Lack of spontaneity
  • Lack of romance
  • Terrible sex life
  • No time to give each other attention
  • Lack of time to talk

This disappointing state of marriage reminds me of the biblical account of the Hebrew people during their wilderness experience after escaping the slavery of Egypt.

In examining the Exodus account, I believe there are five lessons there instructing us on how to keep our marriage fresh and perpetually extend its expiration date.

5 lessons to keep your marriage fresh

  • Lesson #1: Know that God will give supernatural provision for the journey 
  • Lesson #2: Follow God’s instructions
  • Lesson #3: Remember from what God brought you
  • Lesson #4: Gather what you need for each day
  • Lesson #5: Keep it fresh

My prayer is that these five lessons will give fresh insight that will elevate your marriage to another level.

Leave me a comment and let me know what other parallels you see between this account of the Hebrew people and our own marriage today.

Please do me a huge favor and click HERE to go to iTunes and leave me a rating and review. It will only take 2 minutes of your time. And, it means so much to me. And, just for you, I’ll give you a shout out on the next show.

5 Biblical Lessons to Keep Your Marriage Fresh

Our refrigerators and cupboards are full of products with stamped expiration dates. Except for infant formula, dating these products is not a federal regulation. But, it is useful for stores and consumers to assess whether a given product is safe or unsafe for consumption. So, the ardent shopper checks that “sell by” date, especially on the perishable items like milk and eggs. This morning I checked the expiration date on one of my purchases only to learn that it had indeed expired. Should I eat it or throw it away? As I carefully inspected it to see if I was indeed edible, I began to think of the connection to marriage. How many couples are living in outdated marriages—going through the motions with freshness that has long expired?

Keeping your marriage fresh

The answer is “way too many”. It shows in the data. According to Dana Adam Shapiro’s research for his book You Can Be Right (or You Can Be Married),very few married people are happy — he says about 17 percent. Another study reveals that a large percentage of married couples (~40%) say that they are not very happy in their marriage. It’s sad. For many of these couples, the relationship that started out with a sense of bliss and hopeful optimism has deteriorated into a functional partnership at best.

One study of 3000 couples identifies five top problems reported by these frustrated couples.

  • Lack of spontaneity
  • Lack of romance
  • Terrible sex life
  • No time to give each other attention
  • Lack of time to talk

One-third of couples suggest things like the loss of romantic trips away, cooking of favorite meals, and the surprise bouquet of flowers as examples of their outdated marriages. These couples have allowed the proverbial “shelf life” of their marriage to diminish. It feels stale and distasteful.

This disappointing state of marriage reminds me of the biblical account of the Hebrew people during their wilderness experience after escaping the slavery of Egypt.