10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Would Do, But Would Probably Never Ask

We husbands are a funny bunch. In some ways we are paragons of contradiction.  Some of us have a tough exterior but are soft in the middle.  Others say few words but no shortage of opinions. Still others never talk about feelings but wear them on our sleeves. It is no surprise then that our wives often wonder what in the world is going through our minds. But, since many of us don’t really share what is going through our mind, our wives are often left in bewilderment. They feel like outsiders yearning to get closer to us but not knowing how to do it. This post is for those wives who wish for a little glimpse into their husbands’ head. Here are ten things that your husband probably wishes you would do. But, here’s the kicker. He probably will never ask.

I admit. For many of us, it is hard to get in our heads because sometimes we don’t even understand what we’re thinking. Until we figure it out, we may not talk too much about it. And, even then, only in bite size pieces. Even then, only if we feel it is safe to do so. Yes, we husbands are funny like that sometimes.

Why is it so hard for us husbands to ask for what we want? That’s a tricky question. But, it is usually one of five reasons:

  • We’ve been socialized to believe that real men don’t ask for such things.
  • We don’t feel safe enough in the relationship.
  • Makes us too vulnerable
  • It seems too trivial
  • Fear of rejection

So, to help out both us husbands and our bewildered wives, I’d like to propose 10 things that we husbands wish our wives would do—even though we may never actually ask for them.

How To Elevate Your Life with a “Smarter Yes”

We live in a noisy world. Everywhere you turn there it is. Noise vying for your attention. Noise at home as the spouse and children place demands on you. Noise at work as the co-workers and supervisors push you to the brink. Noise at church as ministry commitments progressively encroach on your discretionary time. You want to be great at home, work, church, and in your community commitments. But, it feels overwhelming. You thought it was just going to be for a season. But, one season just rolls into another one. Now, you’re burning out physically and emotionally. You feel depleted—not sure how much longer you can keep going. People think you’re superhuman. But, you know you need better boundaries. It’s hard though because it’s hard to say ‘No’ out of a visceral fear of what might be lost. Your answer may simply lie in learning a smarter yes.

The noise is a direct outgrowth of our busyness. Busyness has been, in fact, the status symbol of the 21st century—particularly among the baby boom generation. We wear it like a badge of honor. We behave as if the person with the busiest calendar must be the most important—the most valued. My calendar is fuller than yours—with each engagement feeling like an affirmation to our ego or bank account.

You can see it even in our standard greetings as we add ‘…just crazy busy’ to whatever status we report. Despite the fatigue we may feel physically, our minds tell us that to be busy is to be needed and important. We feel like our life is counting for something. So, we live in this ironic conundrum—pursuing busyness while seeking shelter from the noise.

Yes, I’m guilty!

LYH19: Five Steps to Maximize Your Relational Footprint [Podcast]

Show Agenda

Here’s a riddle for you? What do carbon emissions and marriage have in common?

Featured Presentation: Five Steps to Maximize Your Relational Footprint

Featured Presentation

You can find the full blog post on this topic at haroldarnold.com/relationalfootprint

The answer to the riddle…they both leave a footprint, one that will outlast your years here on earth. 

In a real sense, footprints are what each of us leaves behind when we move on. Whether positive or negative it is our legacy, an indelible reminder that we were there.

I wonder what is my relational footprint? In other words, what impact are my marriage, parenting, and friendships having on people that I know as well as those whom I will never meet now or in the future.

Unfortunately, too many people leave a small relational footprint because they think selfishly  about getting their own financial, emotional, and sexual needs satisfied. The impact of our short-sighted relationships dominate the news. Popular culture increasingly challenges the relevance of marriage. Divorce rates remain intransigent. Child poverty and economic impoverishment more generally continue to plague inner cities. Education systems, particularly urban ones, often graduate only half of its students.  Trans-generational epidemics of teenage pregnancy and father absenteeism continue to mar the national landscape.

I would like to suggest five steps to maximize your relational footprint and fulfill the purpose for which you exist. These steps are effective because they shift the focus away from exclusively you to a broader concern for those around you.

Five Steps for Maximum Relational Footprint

  • Step 1: Assume a redemptive posture
  • Step 2: Give others the best of yourself
  • Step 3: Maintain healthy boundaries
  • Step 4: Adopt a positive narrative
  • Step 5: Demonstrate a spiritual sensitivity

These five steps for maximal relational impact are effective because they  are altruistic–focused on touching the lives of others.

What do you desire your relational footprint to ultimately be? Leave a comment below and let me know.  I can’t wait to hear your thoughts. 

Please leave a rating and/or review on iTunes. This will help me tremendously.

Five Steps to Maximize Your Relational Footprint

Here’s a riddle for you? What do carbon emissions and marriage have in common?

The answer…they both leave a footprint, one that will outlast your years here on earth. In a real sense, footprints are what each of us leaves behind when we move on. Whether positive or negative it is our legacy, an indelible reminder that we were there.

Scientists increasingly admonish us to be more considerate of the impact that our individual behaviors (e.g., electricity usage, transportation emissions, and waste management) have on the health of our planet. Though I admittedly feel as if some of their worries are overblown, there is no question that we humans have to become more responsible for our carbon footprint–our impact on the earth for future generations.The premise of course is that our responsibility is to leave as small a carbon footprint as possible in order to preserve our earthly home for future generations.

However, as I listened to one of these environmental debates, I began to think about the imprint that we leave in other domains as well–particularly in relational areas.

I wonder what is my relational footprint? In other words, what impact are my marriage, parenting, and friendships having on people that I know as well as those whom I will never meet now or in the future. Contrary to the interest in minimizing one’s carbon footprint, the objective is to leave as large a relational footprint as possible in order to positively influence individuals and communities for future generations.

LYH18: How to Avoid the 50-50 Relationship Trap [Podcast]

Show Agenda

  • Greater Philadelphia Christian Writer’s Conference
  • Featured Presentation: How to Avoid the 50-50 Relationship Trap

Featured Presentation

Here is the Christian Writer’s Conference that I’ve attended for the past five years, Greater Philadelphia Christian Writer’s Conference

Click HERE to read the full blog on this topic.

What is the 50-50 trap?

When you assume that you can develop emotionally satisfying relationships by meeting the other party halfway you’ve fallen for the 50-50 trap. When you expect that you can reach mutual goals by going halfway you’ve fallen for the 50-50 trap. In sum, the 50-50 trap is the erroneous belief that you can reach 100% of your interpersonal goals by each party contributing equally.