Tag Archives: marriage tips

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Five Steps to Maximize Your Relational Footprint

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Here’s a riddle for you? What do carbon emissions and marriage have in common?

The answer…they both leave a footprint, one that will outlast your years here on earth. In a real sense, footprints are what each of us leaves behind when we move on. Whether positive or negative it is our legacy, an indelible reminder that we were there.

Scientists increasingly admonish us to be more considerate of the impact that our individual behaviors (e.g., electricity usage, transportation emissions, and waste management) have on the health of our planet. Though I admittedly feel as if some of their worries are overblown, there is no question that we humans have to become more responsible for our carbon footprint–our impact on the earth for future generations.The premise of course is that our responsibility is to leave as small a carbon footprint as possible in order to preserve our earthly home for future generations.

However, as I listened to one of these environmental debates, I began to think about the imprint that we leave in other domains as well–particularly in relational areas.

I wonder what is my relational footprint? In other words, what impact are my marriage, parenting, and friendships having on people that I know as well as those whom I will never meet now or in the future. Contrary to the interest in minimizing one’s carbon footprint, the objective is to leave as large a relational footprint as possible in order to positively influence individuals and communities for future generations.

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LYH18: How to Avoid the 50-50 Relationship Trap [Podcast]

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Show Agenda

  • Greater Philadelphia Christian Writer’s Conference
  • Featured Presentation: How to Avoid the 50-50 Relationship Trap

Featured Presentation

Here is the Christian Writer’s Conference that I’ve attended for the past five years, Greater Philadelphia Christian Writer’s Conference

Click HERE to read the full blog on this topic.

What is the 50-50 trap?

When you assume that you can develop emotionally satisfying relationships by meeting the other party halfway you’ve fallen for the 50-50 trap. When you expect that you can reach mutual goals by going halfway you’ve fallen for the 50-50 trap. In sum, the 50-50 trap is the erroneous belief that you can reach 100% of your interpersonal goals by each party contributing equally.

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How to Avoid the 50-50 Relationship Trap

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One of the life lessons that we learn as early as kindergarten is the importance of sharing and compromise. While most young children have a very self-centered perspective, the process of teaching them to  be more considerate of others around them is understandably seen as a key developmental task. The adage goes that having good interpersonal relationships is about 50-50, meeting others “halfway”. Your responsibility is to do your part and expect the other party to reciprocate in kind. Makes perfect sense—until you grow up.

Relationships are a struggle—especially intimate ones. While they can elevate our feelings to mountaintop experiences they can also plummet them into undesirable lows. There are many reasons for the ups and downs in intimate relationships. But, clearly one is what I call the 50-50 trap.

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How to Breathe Life Into Your Marriage

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“Lazarus, come forth.” These powerful words of Jesus (John 11:43) resonate in my heart as I consider the state of our Christian marriages. While there are clearly many God-honoring marriages, the sad reality is that a staggering number of marriages in the church are in fact  dying or already “dead”—bound in grave clothes of selfishness, deception, and unforgiveness. These lifeless marriages, occupying both the pulpit and the pew, highlight an unprecedented level of emotional detachment in the very relationships intended to mirror God’s unconditional love us. Each of us must consider how to recognize and recover when we are experiencing such a crisis in our own marriage.