Category Archives: Marriage

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5 Habits of Purpose-driven Families

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Is your family purpose-driven? In other words, is your family influencing each other and the community in a way that reflects the Creator? There is one way to tell. How well is your family practicing the following five habits that all purpose-driven families pursue.

We commonly think about purpose as individuals. Thanks to Pastor Rick Warren’s ground-breaking book, “Purpose-driven life” many of us began to think afresh about why we are here on earth. We were created to use our gifts and talents to get to know God more intimately, to authentically connect with others, and to help others develop richer relationships with God themselves.

When we think about purpose, we tend to think about it at the level of the individual. That certainly does have merit. However, the question is whether it stops there. Are marriages, families, communities, and churches intended to be purpose-driven as well?

Well, my answer is unequivocally “yes”.

Given my own interest in family life and encouraging folks to turn their hearts towards home, I set out to identify what it means to be a purpose-driven family.

I feel like it is an important notion in a culture where family life continues to face enormous internal and external financial, education, and employment stressors just to name a few.

The result is that marriages are strained. Parent-child relationships are shallow. Siblings are often disconnected and acting out. Elderly parents feel alienated. Even many singles struggle to maintain vital, life-giving relationships.

What is the problem?

The issues are certainly multifaceted. I believe, however, that at the core of the problem is a purpose deficit. Singles, couples, and families are going through the motions of life without a central guiding purpose or core identity.

In a previous post, I’ve discussed the five questions that are important to ask and listen of your family members. Click HERE to check it out. I encourage you to read that post as you consider the remainder of this post. They are complementary propositions.

Asking engaging questions and listening for the response is the fundamental need to move your family towards purpose. That is a starting point.

But, it isn’t just about the start. Purpose-driven families engage in behaviors that become practices that develop into habits. Habits, when developed early enough in one’s life journey,  tend to become transgenerational.

As I study family life and observe families, I’ve observed five habits that some families have mastered that allow them to have extraordinary relationships with one another, wield extraordinary influence, and change the trajectory of those  around them.

I want to have a purpose-driven family. It is with this desire in mind that I offer these five habits for your consideration.

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LYH005: 10 Reasons Why I’m Glad I Was a Virgin When I Married [Podcast]

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Show Agenda

  • My Week in Review
  • Spotlight: Chris Richardson, Real Talk with Chris Richardson (Washington DC)
  • Featured Presentation: 10 Reasons I’m Glad I was a Virgin when I Married
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10 Reasons I’m Glad I was a Virgin When I Married

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When should you start having sex? I was reading through a question posed by a 16 year old young lady. Here is what she asked this online community of relative strangers, “My friend is wondering what other people think. She is 16 and so am I. I think that its fine around the age of 16 if you use protection. She thinks that its fine when ever.”

She titled her post “What age should you start having sex?”

I have a 16 year old daughter myself and imagined that these people were responding to my daughter. That was pretty disturbing to me from the young lady who says she started at 13 and has loved it ever since to another 16 year old who confirmed that yes 16 is indeed the perfect age.

While there were a few cautionary responses to this young lady, I began to wonder to myself what would I tell this young lady myself. In fact, I personalized it more. What would I tell both my 16 year old daughter and my 22 year old son?

Rather than giving them a specific age or situation (e.g., “when you find the right person”), I would tell them why I remained a virgin until I got married. Yes, despite biological urges, social pressures, and even some “close calls” on my wedding night at the age of 22 I had my first sexual experience. I’m proud of that.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I mentioned some “close calls”. I wasn’t an angel. Honestly, there were some heavy petting episodes that I am not particularly proud of. But, there was something in my mind that would not allow me to “go all the way” to consummate the deal. Based on my religious convictions, I just didn’t think I could live with myself if I just let go.

Why did I wait? Some might call it fear. Others might say avoiding shame or guilt. I’m sure all of these are true at some level. But, looking back, I really do think God was protecting me in some ways. I didn’t want God or my family to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want to give away something that I could never undo. That is about as sophisticated as my thinking was during those years.

Now with many more years of experiences and knowledge, I can better articulate (even making a Top 10 list) why I am so glad that I was a virgin when I married. And, most of these same reasons explain why I have stayed and expect to remain faithful to my wife alone.

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LYH004: 5 Steps to Developing a Family Mission [Podcast]

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Show Agenda

  • Resource Corner: Way of Life App
  • Spotlight: Carlos & Katherine Greene, The Goal Planner, LLC (Atlanta, GA)
  • Featured Presentation: 5-step Guide to developing your Family Mission Statement
  • Show notes at haroldarnold.com/LYH004
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A 5-Step Guide to Developing Your Own Family Mission Statement

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Why are you here on earth? Depending on your age, you’ve probably wondered that before. And, it makes sense for each of us as individuals to reflect on our purpose or as my friend Dr. Daniel Lee says to “Do What You’re Built For”.

If you haven’t asked yourself that question then I suggest that you do spend some time thinking about it. It is important to have a sense of who you are as a person and how you will leave the earth a better place than you found it. I honestly believe that this is what we are on earth for.

I advocate that each of us adopt this purpose-focused lens to  assess your meaningful contribution to your community (both potential and accomplished).

For example, my personal mission statement is to “transform family life through healthy relationship building”. One can readily see from my mission that family is the focus,  transformation is the goal, and relationship building is the process to get you there.

When you read my blog posts at HaroldArnold.com or listen to my “Leading You Home” podcast or read my book, Marriage ROCKS for Christian Couples or hear me speak on leadership you can readily see that everything points back to my mission statement.  In a real sense my mission statement is a guidepost that keeps me  setting goals and strategies that move me in the direction that I am “built for”.

Even if you haven’t personally put your mission statement on paper, most of us see the value of having one. But, what about the importance of a mission statement for your family.

If you accept the importance of our individual mission statements then what happens when you think about your entire family—a collection of personalities, talents, and interests. A mission statement is just as important for your family as it is for you. But, few families ever go through the process of figuring it out.