All wins start with resolution. But, resolution doesn’t win the game. Resolution only starts the action.

It’s hard to believe that January 2019 is now officially in the books. The time just flies, doesn’t it?

If you’re like many of us, you’ve been thinking about what you 2019 goals will be. What goals have you set for yourself?

This past weekend, Dalia and I met with a group of couples in our local marriage ministry and challenged them to set a 2019 agenda for their marriage. Yes, an agenda. The reality is that most of us don’t think about an agenda for marriage. We totally see the purpose of an agenda at our jobs or maybe in our church meetings. We like agendas in these settings because they help everyone understand the objectives of the meeting. Agendas help the meeting stay on track in order to accomplish the stated objective. 

But, why are we skeptical of an agenda for our marriage? Isn’t it important for spouses to understand the objectives of their marriage? Isn’t it vital to know if you’re staying on track to accomplishing those objectives? 
So, why do we not think about an agenda in the marriage context?

Well, somehow it feels out of place, doesn’t it? It feels too constricting and controlling. It seems to take away our flexibility.  Not true. But, let me come back to that point.

This time of year, I always find it fascinating to watch my gym swell with people. They are everywhere—huffing and puffing and sweating. They are working hard. But, most of them will be gone by March. I see the pattern every year. They made a New Year’s resolution to exercise more or to lose weight. And, through sheer will power they push themselves to join the gym (Planet Fitness in my case). They get through January and maybe February. But, the visits become spaced farther and farther apart as the weeks go by. Eventually, they stop coming altogether. By the end of the first quarter, all will be back to normal at the gym. The regulars will still be doing what the regulars do.

The regulars have figured out that the gym and working out is part of their solution to fitness or health-related concerns. The solution yields better cardiovascular fitness, strength, and maybe even weight loss. They are afraid to stop coming to the gym because they have benefitted from the results. For them, the workout it a solution.

Contrast them with the first quarter sprinters. They come in full of energy and verve. They are fueled by a resolution to work out more. That energy takes them for a while. But, the resolution wanes because their resolve dissipates in the busyness of life. They have great intention. But, they never adopt the gym as a solution. So, they fade.

All wins start with resolution. But, resolution doesn’t win the game. Resolution only starts the action. It takes discipline and consistency to shift from resolution to solution in accomplishing much of anything in life. Your focus must switch from resolution to do “something” to understanding what that “something” solves for you.

Let’s bring it back to marriage and its agenda.

Many Christian couples want to have a great marriage. They want to feel happy and secure. So, these well-meaning couples set out a resolution for the new year. They might say to one another, for example, that we commit to have a date night every month in 2019. It is their resolution. You know what happens though, don’t you? The job demands get too hectic or the kid’s schedule take over. After a few attempts, the date night resolution is over. 

But, what if this same couple focused on the problem in need of a solution? If they said, we are not feeling intimate enough as a couple. We are afraid of drifting apart in the busyness of life. We worry that our lack of togetherness will negatively impact the well-being of our children and our broader ministry. We do not feel we can fully participate in the Kingdom work that God has for us if we do not cultivate our relationship more. This couple is focused on “why” their marriage needs them to be in sync. Then, one of them suggests a regular date night as a solution. This couple is much more likely to continue that date night because their eyes are steadfast on their why—their Kingdom work that demands unity.

This is the fundamental reason why an agenda is so important for your marriage. You and your spouse need to agree to a shared “why”. You also need to agree to the solutions to achieve it. Setting an agenda for your marriage in 2019 is a bold step to getting there. So, I hope that over the coming weeks that you both will sit down, reflect, and pray about each element of your agenda. I guarantee that it will change the dynamic of your relationship. 

In closing, I wanted to let you know that the Eusebeia Weekend Experience for Christian Couples is a wonderful activity to add to your marriage agenda for 2019. The date is set for October 17-20, 2019 at the Sheraton Town Center in Columbia, MD. You can register at eusebeia1000.com and click on Events.